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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

A perspective like Luke's

I love my kids. Each of them is so unique. Carleigh and Luke process things so differently. Luke is very concrete, black and white, say what you mean, mean what you say. He's so sweet in his faith, too. A while back, maybe a month or two ago, he told me he wanted to go see Jesus. We have all learned and believe Heaven is a wonderful place, Jesus is a fabulous friend, and his Pawtaw, Grandpa, and Aunt Lori are there, so he was thinking he would like to go there too. I had to explain that we don't get to decide when we go see Jesus, He does. I also explained that I would be very sad if that happened soon. I want him around here a whole lot longer. He seemed to understand and be fine with that explanation. So, the other day we explained to the big kids that if God didn't see fit to provide Emma with a miracle healing here on Earth, she would be completely healed in Heaven probably in the not too distant future. Carleigh internalized that information and didn't want to talk about it anymore. She writes and draws pictures and shares her journal with us on occasion. Luke, on the other hand, had several questions...

Luke: Mommy, when Emma gets to Heaven, will she run faster than me?
Me: Yes, Luke, I think she probably will.
Luke: Oh. Mommy, will Emma run faster than a deer?
Me: Yes sir, I think she will.
Luke: (with a sly little smile) Mommy, will Emma run faster than Jesus?
Me: No, Luke, I don't think she'll run faster than Jesus.
Luke: Okay...heeheehee.

He constantly tells his counselor, Mrs. Kathy, that he is hoping God will give Emma a miracle. Wouldn't it be nice to see it? I fantasize about it all the time. I know He is more than able. I also know it might not be His plan. I don't understand why, but I know He is bigger than my understanding. I'm glad He is there to comfort and carry us through this awful season of life.

Emma isn't doing so well. She has lost more weight and is incredibly thin. She sleeps a lot of the day, and only eats about two baby food jars worth of food a day. Feeding her is a very long process. She continually has seizures throughout the feeding, her mouth clinches shut, she cringes and cries out in pain or discomfort. It's the saddest thing I've ever seen. Her fingers and feet are a bluish tint, there are dark circles under her eyes some of the time, and her little body is in a constant curl. She is waking now, and is not comfortable...morphine to the rescue.
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