My legacy in selfies

It all started with this lady...my mom. She is so strong. Such an example of determined faith. 

Sometimes I wonder what in the world I'm doing. I told a friend yesterday that I thought I would have it at least a little figured out by this point, being 41 and all. But I'm not even close to having it figured out even a little bit. I'm glad that God does. "All to Jesus I surrender/All to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him/In His presence daily live." Prayer of my heart. 

My heart is a little achy with this one. The years are so fleeting. She only has seven more days of preschool. (She goes twice a week.) We were in the drop-off line at school last week when I snapped this pic. She wants to be big so badly. And she is. I want her to slow down. Aren't we all like my little preschooler, though? I wish we could learn to live in the moment and not wish for something else or something more or something different. How much do we miss? How much do I miss?

We are hot and sweaty. Taking a break after a bike ride.

My love. He is the one who makes me smile and my heart pitter patter. He loves me. He shows our children how to work hard and respect and love and laugh. He is passionate. I am blessed beyond measure. 

Happy St. Patrick's Day

 

 

May I be more like St. Patrick.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Hold on, my brother

Because I needed this song today, and I bet someone else does too...



Don't you just love the banjo? :)

Choosing joy today.

Blessings my friend.

the truth

The truth is, I want to be thin...like reeeeeally badly. I want to be long and lean, not sickly thin like models who have starved themselves. I want to fit into all of my clothes without having to jump up and down or strike a new yoga pose. I want my pants to fit without the front pockets pooching out or back pockets hanging too low. I want that awful inner tube thing around my midsection to disappear and the flabby skin to firm up. The hard truth is...I am lazy, and I don't really want to bust my hiney working out every.single.day. I would like to be able to enjoy a slice of dessert without knowing the scale will not go in my favor the next morning. The harder truth is, I need to get over it, and get said backside into full blown get-this-weight-off-gear! I firmly (or jiggly..whatever) believe the extra weight I've been carrying around for a couple of years now is why my knees and hip hurt and why I'm so tired. I wish I could find the clip from the Oprah show from like a bazillion years ago. She was interviewing a couple, and the man said, "Oh baaaby, I'm SO tired!" It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen! Kelvin and I still laugh about that. But dude, I feel your pain! I've been working at working out more consistently since we returned from Labor Day weekend. The goal is to work out six days a week. The reality is, some weeks I've felt like poop and have only worked out two or three days. The scale has oh so slowly been creeping down, and up, and down, and up and down. I am staying the course though. Hopefully by the end of 2013, I will have lost 10 pounds. My goal is 28, so I have a ways to go.

So, how are you doing? What do you want reeeeeally badly?

Stored

The other day was one of those days I want to store in my memory bank...take a mental snapshot. There was nothing monumental or earth-shattering. We were all home at the same time, hanging out in the same room. Luke and I were piled up on the couch reading, Carleigh was practicing the piano, Kelvin was doing something on the laptop, and I can't remember what Cora was doing. I took a moment to soak it all up...take it in. I'm sure if I took a little more time, I would see that there are many more moments just like this one I could enjoy. I'm tired of always being in such a hurry. What's the rush? I'm slowing down.

So much to say...so little time

I have so much to say. I wish there was a way for my thoughts to magically make their way to my blog complete with edited photos and videos. I want to talk about what's going on in our neck of the woods, in our country, in our world! I want to show you all of the cool work Cora is doing and the neat things the big kids have going on. I want to talk about fall and food and fun things in the future. I want to talk about paint colors and home improvement projects I have in my head. I want to show you my fall chalkboard and my table top decorations from our ladies luncheon this weekend. I want to go back a few weeks and tell you about my girls weekend with Carleigh and talk about the things that scare the pants off of me. I want to do a lot of things.

Instead, I guess I will go to the grocery store so we can eat dinner and wash clothes, run by the library to return books so we don't have huge fines, tote kids to and fro for soccer, gymnastics and dance classes, and fold the three baskets of laundry that don't seem to be folding themselves. I'm bound and determined to carve out a spot so I can write here more...I have to!

Have a happy Tuesday

!

Crash

You know how when you eat too much sugar and you're on a major high for a little while, but then you come crashing down when it wears off? That's what I feel like. Not sure if it's all due to the fact that I stayed up late into the night and woke early in the morning for more than a month preparing for Emma's Bayou Bash that has me completely worn out, or that some pretty rotten PMS is kicking my booty, or that I have been kinda down in the dumps missing my sweet girl, but all I really want to do is stay in bed...all day or all month would be great! I feel sort of like I'm in self-destruct mode by the way I'm eating and gaining weight. I'm hoping to be up early in the morning to get in some exercise before the day gets started. I think I'm ready to dive in and start taking better care of me and my household. I cooked a couple of times this week. I made some wonderful soup last night while the big kids and Kelvin carved some pumpkins. Our sweet friend, Dee, sent us the recipe...

Chicken Enchilada Soup



Brown 1 onion (finely chopped) and 1 bell pepper in olive oil
When onion is transparent, add 3 TBS minced garlic
DO NOT BURN THE GARLIC
Add 2 large cartons of chicken stock
2 cans of garbanzo beans
2 cans of zucchini or two large fresh zucchini chopped
1 large can of Glory brand seasoned green beans
1 large can of pinto beans (Ranch if you like or refried if u want a creamy soup) I added a can of black beans too!
2 cans of Rotel original
1 large can of white hominy
1 package of enchilada sauce mix
2 bags of Tyson grilled and cubed chicken breast (comes in freezer section precooked or you can use a rotisserie chicken)

Simmer and serve. You can top with grated cheese, sour cream and cilantro.

It was a huge hit! Hoping to make some more hits this week. I love fall...pumpkins, soup, cooler weather (well, sometimes. Forecast calls for 88 degrees tomorrow), football (Luke is playing flag football this fall), hayrides, smores, time by the firepit (if the burn ban ever lifts), and dreaming of leaves turning colors (because we don't have that here.)

Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate...

the first one said, "oh my it's getting late!"


*The second one said, "we don't care."

The third one said, "there are leaves in the air."

The fourth one said, "I'm ready for some fun!"

(Sorry it's so blurry. I still thinks it's cute!)



The fifth one said, "let's run and run and run!"

Then Whoooooosh... went the wind,
And out went the light!
And the five little pumpkins rolled out of sight.

*Yes, Luke is using crutches. He was chasing Cora and sprained his ankle. It's always something. :)

Mary Poppins

I love musicals. Mary Poppins is one of my favorites. I love it when the kids pull it out to watch it. Wouldn't it be nice to be like Mary? You know, snap your fingers and things magically and neatly go where they belong. Or when you laugh you end up on the ceiling. I would love to draw chalk pictures of wonderfully fun places and jump in to experience them. Wouldn't it be great fun to slide up the stairs? How about say the word supercalifragilisticexpialidocious to make anything and everything better? That's what I'm talkin' about!



We just returned from Luke's soccer game. He's doing such a good job this year. Last year was more of a learning how to stay motivated on the field year. This year he's stealing the ball, dribbling it down the field and scoring!! Whoo Hoo! I'll have to remember to take some video at his next game. You gotta see this little dude in action!

Have a great weekend.

Do you ever?

Do you ever feel like it wouldn't be a big deal at all if you just stayed in bed for a week or so, or you didn't get out of your recliner, or you had no motivation to get anything done? Maybe it's the rainy few days we've had around here (probably not), but I'm there. Some days are great and I seem to move along quite well and successfully complete tasks great and small, but others, like today, I feel like curling up in a ball and living out of the recliner. Do you ever want to punch someone who's acting like a jerk? Do you ever want to ram right into someone who's driving like a fool? Do you ever wish you could eat the entire cake or container of ice cream without any side effects? Do you ever wish someone could turn back time and fix the bad gene that has caused so much destruction, pain and heartache?

I do.

my mind is playing tricks on me

Sorry it's been so long since you've heard from us. We were out of town for the holiday weekend. We went to Rockport and had a great time! We took the boat and enjoyed being out on the water with the fam. Kelvin's mom and nephew came down for one day, and we pulled the kids behind the boat on the big 'ol tube! They squealed and held on tight and had a complete blast. The only thing that could have made it any better would have been piling Emma on there with them. She enjoys being in the boat so much though. She fell asleep quickly after we got moving several times. The big kids and Kelvin did a little fishing too. How cute are they?!

We've had some pretty rough nights ever since I mentioned that Emma had been sleeping well. I should know better than to say something like that! Anyway, Emma didn't sleep all that great while we were gone, so I was pretty sleepy when we got back home. Cora kept waking up, then Emma would hear her and wake up. I was up and down, and as soon as I got to sleep good, one of them would wake up. One time I woke up in one of those confused states...I was actually holding Cora, but I was looking for another child. I knew Emma was in her bed, and I knew Cora was in mine, and I knew my big kids were upstairs, but my mind kept telling me there was someone missing...a little toddler girl...I suppose maybe the girl I miss every day and yearn to see running around and playing with her brother and sister and holding her new sister. I hate it when my mind plays tricks on me.

Isn't she a cutie pie?

Need Some Inspiration?

(Warning: it's Kelvin)

Do you ever need to be inspired? I do. We all do. Do you ever find yourself depressed because that thing you were so excited about a month ago is now a fading fling? I do. We all do.

Below is a video of Emma as she was loosing her ability to walk. You may remember it from October 2008. I can't watch it very often, but I don't need to; it is an image forever burned in my memory. I think of her video often. That she can't walk doesn't matter. That she tried so hard does. She inspires me.

Be sure to leave nothing on the field. We get one trip around this big ball, and regret tastes horrible. I'll close with my version of a saying I have shared with some of you in another context...

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving

safely in a pretty and well preserved body.

But rather, to come skidding in broadside in a spray of gravel,

totally worn out, thoroughly used up

and ignoring the grit in your teeth as you loudly proclaim,

"WOW, What a Ride!!!"

Ride Hard.

Inspire.

Baby Prep Boot Camp

Emma is so sweet. She decided to stay up all night with the exception of a little cat napping, just to remind me of what it feels like to run on fumes the following day! What a doll (she really is precious!) She cried and fussed, and I didn't know what to do for her. This morning as I fed her, I yearned to hear her talk. I wish I knew what was going through her little head. Her OT and I were just saying the other day we think she has the same little gruffy voice as her big brother! She was such a pistol. I remember when she would stand at the foot of the stairs behind the baby gate and holler for her big brother and sister. I remember when we went to the beach and had to constantly dig sand out of her mouth. She would just laugh. I remember when my biggest complaint of the day was having to dig her out of the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen and when she would climb in the rocking chair and stand in it backward. I remember when she loved nothing more than being in the big middle of all the activity her sister and brother were creating. I think she still likes to hear their activity. How I wish things were different for her and her siblings. I know Carleigh wishes Emma could play with her, and Luke doesn't understand why she can't do certain things an almost 3 year old should. They are so sweet to her though. I couldn't ask for a more precious family.

Nothing like sand and watermelon! Emma loved playing with her Great-Grandma I like to play too!

Hold me

Emma has liked nothing more the past couple of days than to be held. She doesn't want us to put her down, and she hasn't been very fond at all of her own bed. So, we hold her, and she sleeps with us so we can all get some much needed rest. I hope my midwife is right about the fourth child raising itself. Cora will do very well for herself if she will just sleep in her little bed most of the time. ;) I'm sure we'll figure it all out, and all you sweet friends and family out there will lend some holding arms in time of need. God will provide exactly what we need...He always does. I think I'm kind of like Emma lately too. I would like nothing more than for God to hold me in His arms all day long. I know He wants me to lay my burdens at His feet and take His yoke upon me. So, I think I will try to do a better job of doing just that...

I wanna sit at Your feet, drink from the cup in Your hand,
Lay back against You and breath, feel Your heartbeat,
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand,
I melt in Your peace, it's overwhelming

Happy Birthday 79th birthday to my sweet Grandmama!

PJs and pancakes

Today has been great! The weather has been rainy and kind of dreary...perfect for hanging out around the house in your pjs. So, that's exactly what we did! LOVE IT! I made the fam heart-shaped pancakes for Valentine's Day and after breakfast gave the kids some Valentine treats. I'm not sure Luke thought coloring books, markers and stickers were such a great treat, but Carleigh was excited! They sure did have fun coloring while we all stayed inside today though. Carleigh made us some really sweet cards. She is such a good big sister. Tonight she laid on the couch with a fussy little sister, and tried to comfort Em while I ate dinner. Kelvin is a little incapacitated today, so I appreciated her help.

A couple of random thoughts...
if any of you struggle with diabetes and limit your sugar and carb intake, I would love to hear some of your favorite recipes, especially for breakfast. I am trying to be very diligent about following the midwife's suggestion until I have my second three hour glucose test, and steer clear of the carbs and sugar. The last thing I need is for me to be sick or have a sick baby. I think our hands are pretty full now. I don't think I'll do anything to add to the madness! ;)

Next random thought...
we are trying to sell our Toyota Prius if anyone is interested. It's a great car. I wish we could keep it, but it will only fit 3 car seats in the back, and we'll need 4 in just a matter of weeks. Unfortunately, it's not very feasible for us to have three cars. So, shoot me an email if you would like some information or know anyone who might.

Also, I have posted another update about the benefit for Emma...Emma's Bayou Bash. Click here to go to the post. It's such a blessing to see how many people are volunteering their time to make this event a success.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Always thinking

The other day while on our way home from preschool, my little thinker boy asked me a few questions. He wanted to know if he is always growing. I said he was growing every day into a big boy. He then asked if babies grow fast. I said that yes indeed, babies grow very quickly. He wanted to know if he grew fast as a baby. I said oh yes, very fast indeed...too fast! He then wanted to know why Emma wasn't growing into a big girl. I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. All I could say was that sometimes people's bodies don't grow the way they are supposed to. He was fine with that.

This morning he told me that if he ever sees the "wishing star" he will wish for one of his toys to come alive. He said he would choose Buzz Lightyear, so he could be his brother. That way he would always have someone to play with. I reminded him that he has lots of friends. He said it wasn't the same, they aren't here all the time! He said, "I really want a brother." Wish I could help ya, buddy, but it's not looking good. There's a girl in this belly of mine. I bet she'll be more than willing to play ball and other boy stuff with you, though.

I know I said I would post some pictures of Carleigh singing, but I haven't found the energy or the cord to my camera, so hopefully in the next day or two you'll see some pics of my little singing sweetie.

Have you read the benefit updates?

Just wondering if you have read the benefit updates lately. Click here to take you there now. A lot of exciting stuff is in the works! You can always click on the link with Emma's picture on it in the sidebar on the right of the blog too.

So, how was your weekend? Emma had a pretty good one. I think her new meds are starting to do some good. Our sweet friend who kept the kiddos Saturday even got some smiles out of her. Those little smiles are few and far between and such a huge blessing when we get them.

We had a good time in church Sunday morning. It's always good to be amongst our church family. We sang the old hymn, "There is a Name I Love to Hear"...

There is a name I love to hear, I love to sing its worth,
It sounds like music in mine ear,
The sweetest sound on earth

Oh, how I love Jesus,
Oh, how I love Jesus,
Oh, how I love Jesus,
Because He first loved me.

The tears flowed when we started singing that song. I guess I just realized that I really do love Jesus. Even though there are times I am so hurt and don't understand why our baby is suffering, and I'm angry that she isn't able to do even what she used to, not to mention what she should be doing, I love Him. He is the One carrying me. How would I walk this painful path without this knowledge? He understands my pain. He suffered so deeply for me. He provided the gift of salvation and eternity with Him, and loves me so much He would have done it all just for me. He's done it for us all. He wants us to accept His gift. Do you know Him? Is He carrying you? Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me.

Please pray for my friend

Will you lift up my friend Joanna? She received a phone call yesterday evening that her husband had been killed in a plane crash locally. They have two precious children under the age of 6. Both of her parents have already made their home in Heaven. Joanna's health has not been good lately either. I know God will provide for her even when we don't understand why. Thank you for praying.

Better Day

Thanks for praying for Emma. She had a bit of a better day yesterday. Crying all the time has to be tiring for her...I know it is for me. Every time I get down though, I read someone's blog who seems to have it a little worse. If you would lift up baby Stellan (Not Me Monday inventor's little baby) I would appreciate it. He has RSV and is struggling badly right now. They have the intubation stuff at the ready. He was diagnosed with some kind of heart failure in the womb which the doctors fully expected would lead to his certain death, but God provided a miracle for him. He was born totally normal! Praise God! So, God is still in the miracle business. I pray for one for Emma daily. It's just hard to understand sometimes why some miracles are on this side of Heaven and some are not.

I'll be thinking and preparing an entry for tomorrow about our lives in 2008. If you remember something that surely should be included, drop me a line and let me know. You don't want to miss this one. We'll have the quote of the year from Luke, almost guaranteed to make you at least smile.

Is anyone besides me struggling with the fact that we'll begin yet another year in two days? Time is flying by at incredible speeds. It seems that it was only a few days ago we were celebrating 2008! I remember Kelvin commenting that we would have to celebrate this new year's eve at the beach house. Well, Ike had other plans. It was fun while it lasted.

I just feel like I can't get it all done...spending time with the kids like I desire, nurturing their curiosity and relationship with God, getting things organized around the house in real life the way they are in my head, working on my relationship with Jesus (although I'm learning through our trials with Emma to lean on Him and breath Him in more every day. I wish I could learn such lessons without such a trial.), getting paperwork completed and services lined up for Emma, etc., etc.

We're working on the website for Emma's Hugs. I'll let you know when we're up and running. It's exciting to see how things are developing for this endeavor. Stay tuned!!

Have a wonderful day!

Christmas Memories

We were at my parents' house last night for our family Christmas. It's always fun to get together with my parents and brother and sister and remember how Christmases were when we were younger and at home. One of my favorite memories was when my dad would read the Christmas story from the Bible and we would all sing Christmas carols. I also loved going to our church's candlelight Christmas eve service. It was always fun to see all the families come together who had sons or daughters off at college or grown and moved away but had come back home for Christmas. Once our Christmas eve service was over, we always went home for yummy food and one gift to open before heading off to bed. We had a two-story house and had strict instructions not to leave our rooms during Christmas eve night. On Christmas morning, Mom and Dad would come up the stairs waking us up singing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," and we all barreled down the stairs, anxious to see what treasures were ours. Christmases were always special. As a lot of moms and dads do, ours were up late on Christmas eve getting things ready for the next morning. One year, they were up really late and realized we would wake up within a couple of hours. They thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and wake us up in the middle of the night to do "Christmas" so we would all go back to bed and sleep past five or six in the morning. Well, their plan pretty much backfired, as we had just gotten to sleep good when they came up the stairs singing and expecting our normal excitement. When we could hardly hold our eyes open or our heads up, they were disappointed, to say the least, at our lack of enthusiasm! They kept trying to encourage us to show excitement, and we mustered all we could with unfavorable results. We remembered that story last night and shared a few laughs. It's so funny now to see our own children and how much they remind us of ourselves when we were their age. We're starting our own traditions now. The candlelight service is still a favorite, and we have continued the tradition of eating yummy food after the service. I remember that some of our gifts were wrapped and some just sat out, like our "Santa" gifts. That's how we did our kids' gifts this morning...Santa gifts were unwrapped, and Mommy and Daddy gifts were wrapped. It's so much fun to see the excitement on our kids' faces when they walk in the room and see their treasures! It thrilled me most today to hear Luke sing "Happy Birthday, Jesus" to Kelvin's family.

So, what are your Christmas memories and traditions? Our family wishes all of you a very blessed Christmas, and hope you know the reason we celebrate...Jesus. He is the ultimate gift and brings us peace, hope and love still today. Happy birthday, Jesus!

Christmas Eve

In a few short minutes it will be Christmas eve, and I still have a tad bit of shopping to do. Crazy, huh? If my pregnant brain didn't cause me to forgot absolutely everything unless I write it down, I might not have to make so many trips to the store. Oh well, makes life more interesting.

Tonight we visited with some of our very good friends. One of them is a flight attendant and just happened to be working on flight 1404 from Denver to Houston Saturday night that crashed on the runway! She is our new hero! I have only heard good reports of what an outstanding job the crew did that evening. She was giving us some of her account of the incident, and I thought about how incredibly short life is and how we are not promised the next breath. Thankfully, no one perished in the accident. Our friend's ankle is pretty messed up but not broken.

Events such as these make me reevaluate what is important. So, what's on your Christmas list? Here are a few things on mine...although I would love a new slim line counter top stereo, a pedicure, and a permanent live-in nanny/housekeeper, there are other things which are far more important. I would love to see people spend less on frivolous things and more on things which will make an eternal impact like sponsoring children in underprivileged countries, or providing meals or clothes or pay an electric bill for those of our own country who are struggling financially, or giving to the missionaries who are telling people about the love of God in places I've never even heard of, or giving to pregnancy centers and soup kitchens and orphanages. I mean really, do we need to get our kids so many new toys? Wouldn't a couple do? I wish I would've spent more time this Christmas season explaining to my kids that there are children in our own town who might not get anything for Christmas and then working together as a family to figure out ways we could make a difference. I have to confess, my kids are probably getting too much again this year. I'll probably end up cleaning out their rooms half way through the new year and bagging even the new toys up to give away or throw away. I pray in 2009 our hearts will see a change and we won't be so consumed with "things." Our family has begun to sponsor our first child in El Salvador. I pray that this little guy will come to understand how much Jesus loves him and if he hasn't already given his life to Jesus, he will. I pray my own children will personally give their lives to Jesus as well. Isn't that the greatest gift of all? And it's totally free. All we have to do is accept it!

What are you wishing for this year? I hope you have a very merry Christmas!