I've been pretty down the past couple of days. Monday is Emma's 4th birthday. Man, I miss that sweet baby girl! I wish so badly she were here for us to make a big butterfly cake and sing happy birthday and watch her blow out her candles. I wish we were doing a lot things we aren't. We are instead trying to find our "new normal." I still stutter when we are leaving the house without putting Emma's bean bag in the car and carefully picking her up and lying her in it. How I wish she could have sprung up and run to the car, figuring out how she could beat Luke in buckling her seatbelt before him. My ears yearn to hear her sweet little voice. I would have loved to hear her say, "Mama." Today I cried in gym class as we cooled down to the song, "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman...
So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the
clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone
I feel anxious lately, like I'm loosing all of my kids. It seems the clock is ticking faster and faster and I'm racing trying to get things done, prepare them for the future, savor every moment.
Today Carleigh's class did a special project for a history lesson. It was so creative and fun. I'll post the video tomorrow. I wish I could freeze her for just a little while. I don't want to miss anything with her. She's growing up so fast. Today we ran a couple of errands together, and she was asking what we were going to do for Emma's birthday. I told her some my ideas. She then proceeded to ask about a headstone or footstone for Emma's gravesite. I said we hadn't chosen one yet. She said she thought it would be a good idea to get a butterfly engraved on one and then proceeded to tell me the sweetest words we should have written on it.
I think I'll have a little suprise for everyone on Monday for Emma's birthday. Stay tuned...
