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Monday, February 15, 2010

club member

I loved the dinner club we used to have. I'm very fond of the coffee club and the charm bracelet club, and I love going to weddings at the country club. I am amazed when I get to go to the ginormous Cosco or Sam's Clubs, but I never wanted to be a member of this club. I remember reading other blogs of people who had lost children, or hearing a sad, terrible story of how a child was taken from a family, and I always said I couldn't fathom that. I would just die. I still can't, and I feel like I might sometimes. Somehow this all seems like some sort of awful nightmare. I still can't believe our precious Emma is gone. I still can't believe her diagnosis. I remember the neurologist telling me what he suspected, and upon looking it up, reading and learning that my child would regress to a vegetative state and die at an early age. How in the world could this have happened? I wish I could wake up and everything would be back to the way it was intended. I wish I was getting my almost 4 year old ready for preschool this morning. I wish I was planning what she would wear to rodeo day at school soon and buying all the ingredients for my recipe for the chili cook-off for her class. I wish I was planning her birthday party or choosing what outfit I was going to buy for her out of the Kelly's Kids catalog to match her brother and sisters. I do not want this new club membership! I would like my baby back, please.


  1. I'm so sorry! I wish that you weren't made part of this club! My heart aches thinking of how you must feel! Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

  2. Oh how my heart breaks reading this. What a horrible club to be in. I can't even imagine, and I only pray that somehow being a member of the club becomes easier as time passes.

    Tons of love, you are never far from my thoughts.

  3. Hi, my son is 15 and has a rare hereditary skin disorder called epidermolysis bullosa. I am scared sometimes because more and more of my online "friends" that have kids with the same skin disorder are becoming a part of that club too :( It's sad that these diseases even exist.


  4. I wish with all my heart that you did not have to be a member of this club and I wish that you could wake up and sweet Emma was still there.
    Praying for you and your family always, that God would comfort and strengthen you and fill every empty place.
    Love and hugs and prayers,

  5. I have heard that about two weeks after a death is a particularly hard time for the survivors. The funeral is over, meals have stopped coming, others are moving on with their lives and yet the family is still grieving. I am so sorry. I know you will always miss her but I hope that you get less sad as time goes on. I pray for peace for your family and I cannot fathom being in that club.


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