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Friday, February 26, 2010

Did you wear your jeans today?

Thanks to all of you who remembered to wear your jeans today. I'm going to wear them all weekend. Unfortunately, I'm not in a high profile career where it is noticeable that I'm wearing jeans as opposed to my suit. It would probably make more of an impact if I did wear a suit. It would be funny anyway.

I've been pretty down the past couple of days. Monday is Emma's 4th birthday. Man, I miss that sweet baby girl! I wish so badly she were here for us to make a big butterfly cake and sing happy birthday and watch her blow out her candles. I wish we were doing a lot things we aren't. We are instead trying to find our "new normal." I still stutter when we are leaving the house without putting Emma's bean bag in the car and carefully picking her up and lying her in it. How I wish she could have sprung up and run to the car, figuring out how she could beat Luke in buckling her seatbelt before him. My ears yearn to hear her sweet little voice. I would have loved to hear her say, "Mama." Today I cried in gym class as we cooled down to the song, "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman...

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the
clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

I feel anxious lately, like I'm loosing all of my kids. It seems the clock is ticking faster and faster and I'm racing trying to get things done, prepare them for the future, savor every moment.

Today Carleigh's class did a special project for a history lesson. It was so creative and fun. I'll post the video tomorrow. I wish I could freeze her for just a little while. I don't want to miss anything with her. She's growing up so fast. Today we ran a couple of errands together, and she was asking what we were going to do for Emma's birthday. I told her some my ideas. She then proceeded to ask about a headstone or footstone for Emma's gravesite. I said we hadn't chosen one yet. She said she thought it would be a good idea to get a butterfly engraved on one and then proceeded to tell me the sweetest words we should have written on it.

I think I'll have a little suprise for everyone on Monday for Emma's birthday. Stay tuned...


  1. Awww Christy, my heart aches for ya'll. I'm so sorry ya'll have to go through this. I am continuing to pray for you all daily. Love you!

  2. thank you for sharing your raw emotions w/ us. I still come by daily just to 'check' on ya'll and see how you guys are doing. I hope you guys continue to grow stronger and find peace in your new normal. Emma will be having the BEST birthday party ever! We should all be so lucky to be celebrating our birth w/ Him!! God Bless you all as you continue to walk through this journey and please know you guys are still in my thoughts and prayers. Your family has had such an amazing and profound effect on my family! Love to you all from the Beers family!!

  3. Love the new blog layout!
    Missing sweet Emma with you. Even though I never met her in person, I loved her like another neice. She was one of those kids that just stole your heart at first sight and you are never the same.
    Praying God's strength and hope and joy and peace over you. Allow your heart to experince all that it needs to. You are surrounded by people of grace who are here with and for you no matter what. Most of all, God understands, prasys for you, is with you and will see you through.
    Love and hugs and prayers,

  4. My heart just breaks reading your blog. I sit at my computer with tears streaming down my face because my two babies are up stairs so healthy. I have been and will continue to pray for your family.


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