Monday, April 12, 2010

Love and Hate

I hate the census! "Record anyone living in your house on April 1, 2010." Is this a cruel April Fool's joke? I hate Batten Disease. I hate the question, "how are you?" I hate that I'm so impatient, judgemental, angry and tired. I hate that I am identified by my grief right now.

I love spring...and summer and fall and winter. I love the beach. I love the sweet sound of my newest offspring saying, "mommy," "mo," (more) "eat," "dada," "bubba," and "uh-oh." I love the sly little grin my rough and tumble boy gives me, and the sweet things my big girl tells me. I love my husband and the way he loves me. I love knowing that one day I will see my Savior face to face and watch my sweet Emma run and jump and play. But for now, I love knowing He is carrying me. Just like the Footprints in the Sand poem. There is just one set of prints in the sand in this season of my journey, because He is carrying me each step of the way. I love that. Otherwise, I think there would be no footprints, because I would just be curled up in a ball on the beach, the sand covering me and the water splashing over me.

...weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5



Found this on a blog, and I forgot where I was. She had taken pictures of eggs with the names of all the little ones she knew who had gone to be with Jesus. I saw Emma's name and didn't think I had ever met the lady who had done such a sweet thing,
but it was good to see her name nonetheless.
I love it!

7 comments:

  1. Christy,
    I hate that you hurt. I hate that there is nothing I can say to make it any better. I hate that there is a hole in your heart that will never close. I hate that the world is going on around you when you feel like everything should stop.

    I too love Spring. I love that you have people all over literally the world praying for you and your family. I love that you, although so engulfed in grief right now, know that Jesus loves you. And I also love your family.

    Blessings.

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  2. Christy,
    Praying for you today. It is so hard..only in God's strength day by day will you make it step by step.
    Praying God's comfort and grace and love and hope would fill and cover you and your family.
    What a sweet picture of the baby chick and Emma's egg. What a precious labor of love- so many precious little one's who will always be loved and never forgotten.
    Love and hugs and prayers,
    Debi

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  3. Christy I am so glad you enjoyed the Chick and egg. I wanted to do something for all my fellow bloggers who had lost a little one. I hope it helped to bring so happiness to you!

    ((HUGS))
    MIchelle

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  4. I'm so sorry that you have to hurt! Thinking of you and praying! Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

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  5. I wish you weren't hurting and didn't have to go through what you guys have been through! My heart breaks for you all!!
    We so enjoyed hanging out with yall the other night....I hope we were all able to make you guys laugh if just for a little while. I know the goodwill comment and Kelvin telling his friend he loved him has me still laughing!!!

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  6. Oh sweet Christy, joy does come in the morning. Hang to this truth. Joy will come. You are not defined by your grief. you are an amazing woman who has and is doing so much for His glory.
    Praying, SAL

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  7. Be strong now. It might be stormy, but it can't rain forever.

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