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Monday, April 5, 2010

Falling to pieces

A lot of times lately, I seem to float through life, getting along just fine. Then, out of the blue, a huge wave of sadness, darkness, deep despair and heaviness presses in on me like a heavy quilt. Sometimes I don't think I can breath. I told my precious husband yesterday I didn't know how his mom hasn't completely fallen apart. She has buried her daughter, husband (and best friend), and now her granddaughter. She is so strong. I didn't realize just how strong until now. Just to get out of bed and function every day is amazing. I know it is for me, I can't imagine how much more so for her. Kelvin agreed she is very strong and then asked me if I felt like I was falling apart. Yes, yes I do. He said that was okay. There was a lot of love lost when we lost Emma. It all seems so unreal, like a bad dream. I look at Cora and remember seeing Emma develop the same sweet way. I wish she was here today, healthy and happy. There will always be a tremendous hole in my heart, in our family. One of our stair steps is missing and can never be repaired.
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