Monday, May 4, 2009

Numb

I'm just kind of numb lately. I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired or because I'm tired, did I say I'm tired already? Anyway, I feel like I'm in a fog. I can't really think straight. I get kind of weepy over the weirdest things. If you've been here before, you might remember Not Me Monday. So, I'll just put in a little not me right here to explain what I mean by "weepy over the weirdest things."
I did not get teary-eyed when I watched High School Musical 3 with my big kids the other morning before school. Not me! That would be totally ridiculous. I didn't repeat the behavior when we finished the movie after Carleigh returned home from school. How insane is that? And who lets their kids watch a movie before school anyway? Not me!


Anyway, if you're interested in learning more about Not Me Monday, click here to go to McMama's site and laugh your booty off!


So back to the numb thing. I really don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. I'm just sad. I am grieving the loss of my third child before she is physically gone, because this evil, mind-stealing disease has taken over my child. She is still precious, and I still treasure each moment with her, even though she is not the same. And, I still love the way her head nuzzles in the crook of my neck when I hold her against me. I still love the way she snuggles in bed with us and calms when she's been crying. I still love the way my beautiful brown-eyed girl looks like she is looking right at me even though I know she can't see me. The more Emma's disease progresses, the harder it is for me to be happy, because she seems so sad. Maybe that's the reason for my numbness or fog or whatever it is I'm feeling...


Man, did we ever have a busy weekend! I finally got some yummy crawfish thanks to Uncle Gene! That was some good stuff. And who knew Emma would love Cajun music? But really, what's not to love? And why should I be surprised? She loves every other kind of music she's ever heard? That's my girl! So, I'll be downloading some Cajun tunes onto my ipod for her listening pleasure!


I went to the last MOPS meeting of the year for our group today. I can't believe it's already May! We got some great ideas for summer fun for the kiddos, and we don't even have to leave our little metropolis for a lot of them. We're gonna be havin' us tons 'o summer fun around this joint! From swimming lessons to VBS, my kids are hardly going to have a chance to even mutter the words, "I'm bored."


Well, all the little creatures around our place are sawing logs, so I better get smart and join them.

1 comment:

  1. After I had both of my kiddos I would weep at the strangest things (most noteably the VeggieTales "Cheeseburger" song)! I'd like to think it was just post-partum hormones, but almost 3 years later I find myself still getting a little teary-eyed at the thought of the world suddenly running out of cheese ;)

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