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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

With each day it gets...

(author warning- kelvin)

Well, to be honest, it is getting harder. No kidding. Call me dumb (really, feel free), but I bought into the whole idea that we had already grieved Emma because we lost her each day we held her. When she was first diagnosed I spent 10 days in a very dark world; too dark to put words to. Over the next two years I mourned her daily as she lost milestones and steadily drifted away from the girl she was. I really thought her crossing the finish line was a finish line, of sorts, for us as well. I'm dumb.

During the first two weeks after Emma passed I didn't feel worse, so I guess I thought everything was okay, when in fact we were just numb. The numbness is wearing off now, and damn it hurts.

It should go to reason that the great book of Emma's Dash is a complex one with many chapters, plots and sub-plots. To guess which chapter we are currently in would be foolish, for we may still be in the opening scene! On Monday when Emma's Hugs gave parking passes out at MD Anderson Cancer Center we were hugged by people from Alabama, North Carolina, Russia and Saudi Arabia, plus many others. Several of them said they "felt hugged" when we handed them their parking pass. Emma is weaving a wonderful story...I am excited to see the next chapter!


  1. I'm sorry it's getting harder. I wish I could make it go away. Instead I'll just love you guys.

  2. There is nothing easy about letting go of your child. I know that you are comforted in knowing that she is in heaven with Jesus, but the hole she left in your hearts and lives is huge. Whatever you feel, hurt, anger, lonliness, sadness needs to be felt and acknowledged. As you walk in the darkness through the valley of the shadow of death, God is with you. Keep holding onto His hand step by step.
    Emma's work continues on through "Emma's hugs". She will never be forgotten and always loved.
    Love and hugs and prayers,

  3. I continue to read your blog... Even in your darkest times I am lifted up when I visit. Your family continues to be in my prayers. Thanks for the honesty and for the record, I don't think you are dumb. Your just a parent. The finish line post was the most moving thing I have ever read.

  4. Just want you to know that I am continuing to pray for you guys, and now praying for those who are being "hugged" with the parking passes.

    In Him,


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