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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Am I blue, yes I'm blue

A little George Strait to get us goin' tonight...

Am I blue
Yes I'm blue
It started the day I lost you
Nobody ever missed somebody like I do
Am I blue
Am I blue

Describes my mood precisely. Spring has sprung, but my heart is still caught up in the throws of winter. I hope Emma is jumping through fields of flowers, doing cart wells and catching butterflies. That is the image I want burned in my head and on my heart. But what I really want is for her to be here with us, getting ready to celebrate her baby sister's first birthday, getting excited about egg hunts next week, and trying on pretty clothes to match Carleigh, Luke and Cora for Easter Sunday. I hate the heavy feeling in my heart and the tears that burn my eyes every day. I hate visiting the cemetery and putting cute things on her grave that remind me of her. I don't want her to be there!

I will think of her this weekend as I venture to our church's annual ladies retreat. We'll travel through roads lined with the state's flower, the bluebonnet. Indian paintbrushes and all sorts of other wildflowers will cover the hills as well. It's usually a sight to behold! It should be a beautiful weekend. I hope the dark cloud that seems to surround me is lifted for a while.

Emma hunting for eggs at the beach house in 2008

Checking out what the Easter Bunny left

Where did my eggs go?


  1. I'm so sorry for all of this. But you have truly let God use this for His good. Romans 8:28. You and your family are still in my prayers. You are an inspiration. Thank you for putting it all out there. I read this every time I see there is a new post, but I don't always comment. A friend mentioned how she wished people would comment so she would know who's reading. So know that I am reading and will continue to lift you up. Retreat is just what you need, may God truly bless you through that time

  2. I can not imagine what you're going through, but I do know that God can give you a peace that passes all understanding. A good friend passed away and I was beside myself with grief over her leaving four beautiful young children. I finally gave it all to God and asked for peace, what he sent in response was unbelieveable. I'm praying that God will send you that same wonderful peace.

  3. I'm so sorry! Love Hugs and Prayers!!!

  4. Love the new look of your blog. Thinking of you each day... my heart still hurts with you, yet rejoices as I think of little Emma being held by our Savior!

  5. Words seem so inadequate at a time like this. Just sending up prayers on your famiy's behalf.

  6. So hard. I'm crying with you.
    Only God can pour into the strength you need. Trust Him for the next step.
    Praying that the retreat would be a time of restored hope.
    Love and hugs and prayers,

  7. Love you lots little Emma. Send your Mama lots of positive vibes... she misses you so much.

    thinking of you lots Christie


  8. Emma I miss you too .... your life on earth was powerful ... thank you have got me thinking about so much 'important' stuff. i love the angel you have become in our lives little girl


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