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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Am I blue, yes I'm blue

A little George Strait to get us goin' tonight...

Am I blue
Yes I'm blue
It started the day I lost you
Nobody ever missed somebody like I do
Am I blue
Am I blue

Describes my mood precisely. Spring has sprung, but my heart is still caught up in the throws of winter. I hope Emma is jumping through fields of flowers, doing cart wells and catching butterflies. That is the image I want burned in my head and on my heart. But what I really want is for her to be here with us, getting ready to celebrate her baby sister's first birthday, getting excited about egg hunts next week, and trying on pretty clothes to match Carleigh, Luke and Cora for Easter Sunday. I hate the heavy feeling in my heart and the tears that burn my eyes every day. I hate visiting the cemetery and putting cute things on her grave that remind me of her. I don't want her to be there!

I will think of her this weekend as I venture to our church's annual ladies retreat. We'll travel through roads lined with the state's flower, the bluebonnet. Indian paintbrushes and all sorts of other wildflowers will cover the hills as well. It's usually a sight to behold! It should be a beautiful weekend. I hope the dark cloud that seems to surround me is lifted for a while.

Emma hunting for eggs at the beach house in 2008

Checking out what the Easter Bunny left

Where did my eggs go?

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