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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

My Precious Little Girl

I can't believe it has already been a year since you stepped into heaven. (It makes me happy thinking you are strong and can walk again.) I remember the day like it was yesterday. Your daddy and I had been close by your side for so many days. I cherish the time I got to spend with you, singing, praying and talking to you...just us. Daddy was spending some time alone with you when he called me in to join the two of you. We laid beside you, one on each side, as we touched your fragile body ever so gently, giving you permission to let go. We let you know we would be okay. Your daddy is a rock, and he holds me up a lot of the time. You fought for so long. Your little body had become so weak, and I simply cannot fathom how you continued to hang on when your heart was so weak and your lungs so full. You are so strong. You are my daughter. I love you so much. After a few more minutes, you stopped struggling. Before that you gave out almost a laugh, a sound I had not heard from your sweet mouth before, almost a release...and then you were gone. I held you then, knowing I could not hurt you. My arms still yearn to hold you again, to feel your breath on my face, to see your chest rise and fall in sweet slumber, to watch you run and chase Carleigh and Luke. And now Cora is learning about you, Emma. She knows who you are when she sees your photos. You two would have been the best of friends, I just know it. Not one of the 365 days of the past year has gone by without me thinking about you and wishing you were here with us, well, healthy. Occasionally, I find myself envying those who get to spend eternity with you while we are still here. I wonder what occupies your time. How wonderful must it be to sit at the feet of Jesus, or in his lap, or worship the Creator God with the angels...the sound must be indescribable, warm and beautiful. You are a pearl, my sweet baby girl, "the only precious stone made by pain, suffering--and finally--death." (The Shack) I will never be the same as long as I am here. My life was changed by knowing and loving you and having to let you go. There is an emptyness, a hole, a piece of my very being that is missing. I love you precious child. I look forward to the day when we are together again.

You are so wonderful. I miss you. My heart aches all the time.
Words have seemed to escape me for the last year. I love you. 
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