|Peek-a-boo! Sweet little angel under the tree!|
|What a great smile! So excited about her Christmas party at Wee School!|
|Wanted to ride Luke's new 4-wheeler!|
Oh, how I wish this spunky little monkey was still with us...and well. I don't know how to describe the pain I have felt the past several weeks. Sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe. With our loss of Emma, everything, however big or small, is magnified. Even the smallest tasks are more difficult than they should be. Picking out her headstone has proven to be especially difficult. Nothing is right. Every time I leave the marker office I cry. Picking out a marker for your daughter's grave is just not what a parent should have to do. It's backwards. I don't know why we waited until the past month and a half to make this purchase. I guess it's just been too much to bear. But now, at a time when we should be celebrating the arrival of the Savior, looking at the sparkling lights, taking in the sights and sounds of the season, enjoying the merriment of friends and loved ones, now is when we are approving or disapproving (as it has been for the past 6 weeks) sketches for our daughter's grave marker. I hate death! I understand in my head that Emma is in a wonderful place celebrating the birth of our King, but a heart is a powerful force with which to reckon, and my heart is absolutely shattered into pieces. We have continued with our celebrations, and the kids are totally excited that Christmas is just 14 days away, but there are days I would just like to stay in bed with the covers over my head and hibernate through this season of life. Thank God He sent His only Son to live among us, fully man and fully God, sinless, taking our sin upon Him on the cross so we can have the promise of eternal life with Him after our time on this Earth. Thank God, I will hold Emma again and hear her sing Joy to the World/The Lord is come/Let Earth receive her King./Let every heart/Prepare Him room/And Heaven and nature sing! And Hark the herald angels sing/Glory to the newborn King!