Saturday, December 12, 2009

Loss for Words

Have you ever been at a loss for words? Has anything in your life been so overwhelming, so hard to wrap your mind around, so totally and utterly devestating that you couldn't find words to describe it? I would have to say I'm there. I don't know what to say. The blog world is one of my favorite places to go. There are so many wonderful, encouraging people out there, so many interesting and funny blogs, so much to read and enjoy, but lately, I haven't had the energy, or the brain power to get on my laptop and read much, and I certainly haven't been able to write anything in quite a while.

I'm just struggling with the fact my third child, my darling little girl Emma, is wasting away before my very eyes. With each decline we've seen over the past year and a half, I've wondered how much worse things could get for her. We've watched her lose the ability to eat, drink, walk, see, clap, play, laugh, roll around and anything else a small child does. The other day I mentioned to Kelvin that I couldn't imagine her getting any thinner or much worse, all the while remembering that I have said or thought the same thing once or twice before. I hope we don't see much more of a decline. I don't know if I can handle it.

Thank you for your continued prayers. This season is bittersweet. I love all things Christmas...the lights, the smells, the flavors, the sounds, the wonder of it all. The incomprehensible fact that God became man and dwelt among us...Emmanuel. I love looking at lights, drinking hot chocolate, singing Christmas songs, giving gifts, watching the delight and twinkle in our children's eyes, but this year one pair of eyes won't have very much twinkle, and there won't be much delight showing on her sweet face, and that makes it hard to enjoy all the wonderment of Christmas like before.

I guess I wasn't at as much for a loss of words as I thought I was...

12 comments:

  1. Your family is on my heart and mind this year.

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  2. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you! I can't even imagine having to watch one of my children decline like you are having to do!

    Life certainly doesn't make much sense when you see little ones and their families suffering, like yours is! I do know that God has a great purpose in Emma and your family and I pray that He makes that purpose well known to you!

    In the mean time, I pray that He gives all of you peace, strength, grace and love as you walk this difficult road! Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!

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  3. Praying daily for your family and little Emma.
    Love and hugs and prayers,
    Debi

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  4. I'm feeling similarly silent. If there ever were any "right" words, I think they've been used up.
    This time of year things are especially hard, and I find myself feeling especially sensitive and feeling like no one else is being sensitive... the lights keep twinkling, the carolers keep singing, and it all seems like false advertising.
    There's one gift I wish I could send you. But I can't, so I'll send virtual hugs and hopeful prayers instead.

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  5. i miss emma's presence everyday at school... :/ Just looking at her makes me smile...

    Praying for your family and everyone around you... if there is any thing just come and let us know... were here for you... we love emma!

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  6. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts.

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  7. I haven't been to your blog in a while and I am so heavy hearted to hear that Emma has been declining. I can't even imagine the pain of living this. Please know that your family is in my prayers and especially Emma, as I hope that she can become pain free. I will definately be back checking your blog now!

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  8. I pray for your family daily. What a testimony of faith you and your husband are to so many people.

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  9. Christy, my heart is overwhelmed. I wish there was something I could do for you and your family. I cannot even imagine what life is like for you at this moment but please know that I am praying for you and think of you guys often. I pray right now that our Father would wrap his comforting arms around all of you and hold you tight. I pray that you would find peace, strength, and all the things you need to get through this time.

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  10. You all are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Hoping and praying for a miracle.

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  11. I pray for you all daily. I still can not imagine all that you have all endured with Emma, that sweet precious baby. I so hope that what your read about no pain is true, although I am with you..it is hard to believe. I still believe in miracles and will continue to pray.

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