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Saturday, December 12, 2009

Loss for Words

Have you ever been at a loss for words? Has anything in your life been so overwhelming, so hard to wrap your mind around, so totally and utterly devestating that you couldn't find words to describe it? I would have to say I'm there. I don't know what to say. The blog world is one of my favorite places to go. There are so many wonderful, encouraging people out there, so many interesting and funny blogs, so much to read and enjoy, but lately, I haven't had the energy, or the brain power to get on my laptop and read much, and I certainly haven't been able to write anything in quite a while.

I'm just struggling with the fact my third child, my darling little girl Emma, is wasting away before my very eyes. With each decline we've seen over the past year and a half, I've wondered how much worse things could get for her. We've watched her lose the ability to eat, drink, walk, see, clap, play, laugh, roll around and anything else a small child does. The other day I mentioned to Kelvin that I couldn't imagine her getting any thinner or much worse, all the while remembering that I have said or thought the same thing once or twice before. I hope we don't see much more of a decline. I don't know if I can handle it.

Thank you for your continued prayers. This season is bittersweet. I love all things Christmas...the lights, the smells, the flavors, the sounds, the wonder of it all. The incomprehensible fact that God became man and dwelt among us...Emmanuel. I love looking at lights, drinking hot chocolate, singing Christmas songs, giving gifts, watching the delight and twinkle in our children's eyes, but this year one pair of eyes won't have very much twinkle, and there won't be much delight showing on her sweet face, and that makes it hard to enjoy all the wonderment of Christmas like before.

I guess I wasn't at as much for a loss of words as I thought I was...
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