Sunday, February 2, 2014

Four Years

This is the fourth year February 1st has come along. Each time my heart still aches. I miss her. I miss what should have been. I still don't understand. It's still hard.

I think the hardest part about losing someone, is that even though the ones left behind feel like it, the world has not stopped. Everything keeps going. People still drive to work, the mail still runs, the school doors still open (even though my child isn't walking through them), people still eat and drink, and life.keeps.going.

As the times passes, the wounds aren't as raw. The gaping whole has been stitched up and there's no longer flesh exposed. But, the scar is still painful, especially when touched or squeezed.

Butterflies have held a special significance since Emma was diagnosed with Batten Disease. Since she died, every time I see a butterfly I think of her and how she was able to spread her wings again...she is free...no longer bound by Batten Disease.

A few weeks ago the big kids found a couple of cocoons on a leaf in our flower bed, which was weird because it's so late in the year. They should have all migrated to Mexico by now. Luke gently took the leaf  and placed it in a jar on the back porch. When the weather turned so cold the other day, I brought in the jar and left it on the dryer. I really thought the cocoons wouldn't do anything since they had been in such a cold climate. A few days ago Cora and I were walking out the door to go to school, and we noticed a butterfly perched on the edge of the jar. I was amazed! I left it there, and when I retuned home, it was gone. I looked for the butterfly throughout the week but couldn't find it. I figured it must have flown out the door when I wasn't looking. Last night, as we were eating dinner, one of the kids spotted the butterfly on the floor. I couldn't believe it! I picked her up and Kelvin took a photo...




Such a gift. Thank you, Lord.













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