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Monday, January 14, 2013

Broken down

I'm feeling a bit like my poor Yukon XL (Suburban)...everything is breaking down. Just like her, I want to run, I just need a new fuel pump and my electrical system needs replacing so I don't keep randomly blowing hot air as I go down the road. She's been a good mode of transportation for the past 8 years and 170,000 + miles, but I think it's time to trade her in for a newer model with less wear and tear. I think it's time to trade this overweight, out-of-shape body in for a newer, fitter model as well. Over the past week I've been thinking a lot about what I would like to do. I guess I won't get any fitter or feel any better by just thinking about it though, huh?

The past few days have been pretty dreary. Rain and cold. More rain and cold. (Oh, except for that day last week when it was almost 80 degrees. You never know what you're gonna get!) The rain and cold kind of reflect how I feel. Pretty drab. Winter is hard. It's such a reminder of loss and pain. I cannot believe that in just a few short weeks Emma will have been gone for three years. How is that possible? Her loss doesn't get any easier. Cora has been asking more frequently now when Emma will come back from Heaven. I so wish she had her big sister here and healthy. What precious playmates they would make. Oh, I'm sure they would have their fare share of bickering and fussing. But I know they would have so much fun too...Barbies, dolls, Candyland, tea parties, ballet and gymnastics. My heart hurts.

Thank you for your prayers for my Grandmama. Please continue to pray as the hospice nurse told my family to prepare for her last days. Altzheimer's has stolen my sweet Grandmama. We all had to say good-bye well before today. It's hard though, to have to let go of her completely. To say good-bye a second time. Thank you for keeping my mom, aunt and uncle in your thoughts and prayers as they prepare to let her go. Grandmama has done nothing lately but speak about her Savior, her precious Jesus. Her favorite thing to do the past few years was sing hymns (and the occasional Can-Can loud and proud in the grocery store. :) ) For her 80 birthday three years ago, I had the priviledge of visiting with her and singing with her for a few minutes. She remembered me for a moment. I will treasure the memory.

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