Four Years

This is the fourth year February 1st has come along. Each time my heart still aches. I miss her. I miss what should have been. I still don't understand. It's still hard.

I think the hardest part about losing someone, is that even though the ones left behind feel like it, the world has not stopped. Everything keeps going. People still drive to work, the mail still runs, the school doors still open (even though my child isn't walking through them), people still eat and drink, and life.keeps.going.

As the times passes, the wounds aren't as raw. The gaping whole has been stitched up and there's no longer flesh exposed. But, the scar is still painful, especially when touched or squeezed.

Butterflies have held a special significance since Emma was diagnosed with Batten Disease. Since she died, every time I see a butterfly I think of her and how she was able to spread her wings again...she is free...no longer bound by Batten Disease.

A few weeks ago the big kids found a couple of cocoons on a leaf in our flower bed, which was weird because it's so late in the year. They should have all migrated to Mexico by now. Luke gently took the leaf  and placed it in a jar on the back porch. When the weather turned so cold the other day, I brought in the jar and left it on the dryer. I really thought the cocoons wouldn't do anything since they had been in such a cold climate. A few days ago Cora and I were walking out the door to go to school, and we noticed a butterfly perched on the edge of the jar. I was amazed! I left it there, and when I retuned home, it was gone. I looked for the butterfly throughout the week but couldn't find it. I figured it must have flown out the door when I wasn't looking. Last night, as we were eating dinner, one of the kids spotted the butterfly on the floor. I couldn't believe it! I picked her up and Kelvin took a photo...

Such a gift. Thank you, Lord.

Hold on, my brother

Because I needed this song today, and I bet someone else does too...



Don't you just love the banjo? :)

Choosing joy today.

Blessings my friend.

In a Word

Do you make New Year resolutions or goals? I do. We were headed home from Fredericksburg yesterday, and I jotted down four columns worth...Personal, Home, Family, Emma's Hugs. Some are lofty and others are small. I think it's good to have a goal. I also chose a word for the year. I actually chose it at the beginning of December and shared it with you when I showed you the cool cuff my family gave me for my birthday. My word for the year is JOY. My cuff says, "Choose Joy." It's a choice...a daily choice. When winter sets in and it's hard to breathe because I miss her so much and am reminded just how much so on the day of her passing in February and the day of her birth in March, I will choose joy. When the kids are driving me plum CRAAAZAY and their schedules are adding to the madness, I will choose joy. When I'm bummed because another week has gone by and I haven't exercised at all, I will choose joy. When life is hard and there's loss and sadness and pain all around me, I will choose joy. I haven't chosen joy the past few years. It's hard to see past the grief and sorrow to the joy, but I am tired, and I know He is joy, and I am choosing Him...Jesus. ^"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 I need His rest. I need His yoke.

What are some of your goals for 2014? I plan to continue to purge the house...each room, closet, and attic. I want to make exercise a habit and eat more plant-based food. I want to know Him more. I want our family to go to some fun places this year. I want to paint and set up a workable office space. I want to dream big and take leaps of faith. How about you?

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you and yours a Christmas full of
love, peace, hope, and joy.

Come on in

Hey there! Come on in and have a look around. I meant to post this little home tour a couple of weeks ago, but life got in the way. I'm squeezing this in before I have to get ready for Christmas Eve services which start at two this afternoon, so excuse my lack of editing.

This is our front porch. I love the old sleigh. I wish there were a little snow so we could use it.

 

 

So, grab some tea, coffee, or cocoa, and we'll talk Christmas. I tried to tone it down this year, and really I did, but it still seems like a little too much somehow.

I love the garland from Lemonade Makin' Mama. The descriptions of Jesus...Wonderful, Counselor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.

 

 

 

Maybe it's that I'm so worn out and tired that anything extra seems like too much. I can't believe I haven't posted since the beginning of the month. The time has rushed by with WAY too much activity. We had something every.single.day in December. It wasn't until Sunday we sat back and took a breath. I enjoyed the kids' concerts and activities, but this mama is tired.

I want to focus on the coming of His birth. Try to wrap my mind around the Mighty God making a way of salvation for all...God in the form of a tiny baby.

Still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King,
You're here with us
You're here with us

It's still a mystery to me, oh,
How His infant eyes have seen the dawn of time
How His ears have heard an angel's symphony,
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King,
You're here with us
You're here with us

Jesus the Christ, born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save, to save the souls of man

~Here With Us Joy Williams

It's all such a mystery. God has a beautiful plan for our lives, and it's never what I thought it would be or played out the way I think it should be. He's so much more than I can even comprehend. We've been reading through the Jesus Storybook Bible for Advent. The stories are so good and keep pointing to the plan God had laid out from the very beginning...Jesus, God with us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next photos are of my dining room. The roosters above the buffet were a project my grandmother worked on when my uncle was fighting in Vietnam. They have always been a part of her home. She passed away in January, and I was blessed to get to bring the roosters home with me. I love them. They are a constant reminder of my precious grandmother.

 

 

 

Joy is my word for now. It seems the joy has been stripped away the past several years. Joy is a choice. The bracelet I got for my birthday is a reminder for me to "Choose Joy." I have joy sprinkled throughout the house...sometimes I'm a slow learner.

This concludes our little tour. This is what I see on my way out the back door.

 

I hope you find the joy of Christmas this year. I pray you know the hope that only comes from knowing the ONE who is HOPE...Jesus. Blessings to you and yours.

 

With love,

Christy

 



I'm on the hill

So, it's my birthday today. I wouldn't say I'm over the hill yet--maybe just on it. I'm 41 today. I'm having a great day. The celebrating began last night with an awesome dinner out with some long-time friends. It was a nice treat to have some grown up time and adult conversation without interruption from little people. We ate at Zelko Bistro in the Heights in Houston. If you're local you must try it! I had the shrimp and grits and Kelvin had the pork chop. One of our friends had the salmon and another had steak. The food was melt-in-your-mouth delicious! The desserts did not disappoint! I had the tres leches and my friend had the chocolate mousse...OH.MY.GOODNESS! I don't even know what to say. We will definitely be back! 

This morning, Kelvin and the kids took me to a local joint, El Toro, for brunch. I only found out a few weeks ago they serve brunch. SO glad we finally had time to try it. YUMMERS! After we finished eating, they gave me this awesome cuff! 



 

 

 

Heather, at Bits of Grace Designs, made it. She's a local gal someone suggested I Like on Facebook, and I'm so glad I found her! I'm tickled pink with my cuff, and it's just the reminder I need. I also got some new work-out shoes and very hip socks to go with them. No excuses now not to get my hiney running again. Yesterday, I treated myself to a pedicure. Tonight we're going to watch Luke's choir perform. His choir teacher is a member of a Houston area chorus, and her choir was invited to sing in their Christmas concert tonight. I'm so excited! Tomorrow the festivities continue with lunch after church with my parents. I'm one lucky gal! Actually, I'm blessed beyond measure!

 

Not sure why this is so fuzzy. Only thing that would've made it any better would be my main man in it too. He's taking the photo. Love these munchkins so much!

After brunch, we headed to Hobby Lobby so the kids could pick out their annual ornament. Carleigh chose the funniest hippo...reminds us of Gloria on Madagascar. Cora chose a cute little puppy with a pink feather boa, and Luke chose a Wii remote. It's so cool how they all chose something that reflects their little personalities so well right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the verge

Warning: this post may contain a bit of whining and complaining...okay, more than a bit. Read at your own risk.

A few weeks ago my friend Shelly took our family photos. I can't wait to see them. She does a great job. It happens every time though. I start thinking about family photos, and I get a lump in my throat. I think about the one who is missing, and it makes me sad. I miss my Emma. We've been taking pictures of Carleigh in my wedding dress since her first birthday. We started it with Emma too. We took Carleigh's photo in the dress again this time. She's so grown up. The dress that once hung off of her and puddled all around her is fitting better and better. I can hardly stand it. Cora put on the dress for a photo too. Of course, it swallowed her. She was so funny flapping the sleeves like a bird. The last family photos we took with Emma, she just laid on the dress, because she was so uncomfortable, we didn't want to make it worse by stretching and moving her body around so she could wear the dress. I wish I had more photos of her in it.

The holidays are hard. I guess they stir up emotions I don't realize are there. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears all the time...there's a perpetual knot in my throat. I say every year that I'm going to get it together and have gifts purchased before December starts. Well, this is not the year, again. And this needed to be the year more than ever before. Between the kids' activities and extra concerts and the Christmas musical at church, we have something, at least one thing, every night between now and Christmas. Add in trying to get underwriters and make contacts and so forth for Emma's Bayou Bash, I'm feeling like I can't catch a breath. This is not how I wanted to spend the month. I wanted to do fun things with the kids like bake cookies for our neighbors and watch Christmas movies while making popcorn garland. I wanted to go ice skating and go to the Houston Zoo light festival. I've heard it's beautiful. Luke asked me this morning why someone would describe Christmas as blue. I told him when someone was blue, it meant they were down or sad. I'm feeling a little blue, I think.

The good thing is that we are enjoying our Advent time together every day--so far. It's amazing to me how God had a plan from the beginning. Our Advent scriptures started in Genesis. The sweet Heather, who did my recent blog makeover, posted a link on her blog for a free printable Advent Kit. I just love it. The Jesus Storybook Bible says, "Every story whispers His name." And it does. That's what I want this Christmas to be about...focusing more on Him, Jesus, our Messiah. I'm already worn out. I haven't finished decorating my house, haven't purchased a single gift, and don't even see an available spot on my calendar to make this adorable wreath that Tara featured on her blog. I had big plans for Carleigh and me. I might just have to take her out of school one day. I know she would love making the wreath, and I would love spending the time with her. I think that's what I'll do. Thanks for letting me talk that through.

I had my Rockwell moment the Saturday after Thanksgiving. We went to a tree farm not too far away and cut down our own tree. Luke did the honors. He's such a burly boy...love him! It's in the tree stand with lights on it, and that's about as far as I have gotten. Maybe tonight we can get the decorations on it.

Sharpening the blade.

 

Over the river and through the woods to the Christmas tree farm we go!



Vanna Carleigh, show us the "one." And you too, Doc McStuffins.



You ring this bell, and someone comes by and loads the tree in the trailer to take it to the front. It's kind of like magic. Wish I had a bell like that at home! Only I need a cleaning crew and secretary instead of a trailer. ;)



A little bit more.



Load it up, kiddos!

Isn't she a cutie!?



Cora is so strong!

Don't you just love this truck!?



Loaded and ready to roll!

I kind of like it just like this.

So, what's on your calendar this Christmas season? What are you doing to stay sane? I wish you all joy. Joy is my word for the year to come. It's a choice...one I'm intentionally making...even when I don't feel it. He is our joy. I'm clinging to Him.