I can.not get it together! What is it, you ask? EVERYTHING! I'm feeling well beyond my years. Or are you supposed to feel like your body is falling apart at 40? And how in the heck am I already 40, for crying out loud!?! Earlier this year, I let the housekeeper go to save some money...mistake, BIG mistake. I like a clean house. I'm doing a poor job of keeping it that way. Speaking of saving some money...the monthly insurance premium went up almost the exact amount I used to pay my housekeeper. ugh! So much for saving money! The whole summer plan thingy has not worked out quite as wonderfully as I had in my head. I just hope my kids have had a little fun despite my lacking and their brains don't turn into mush from too much TV and computer time. The only exercise I have done this month is the few laps I have swum while playing with the kids in friends' pools. Sad, really. I eat like there's no tomorrow, then cry when my gut and backside get bigger. It's pretty pitiful. I told my friend the other day that I think I'm ready to retire as a parent. This is hard, and I'm not sure I'm cut out for it. Some days...well, ok...most days I feel like a complete failure. The kids play like the best of friends one minute and fuss and fight like they hate each other the next. I'm feeling a lot like Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes. You know the scene when she is at the nursing home with Ninny Threadgoode, and she completely breaks down? The one when Ninny tells her she needs hormones? I'm also relating to the scene when Evelyn decides she is going to prove to the young snots who steel her parking place who is Boss and rams into their cute little car. LOVE IT!
So glad I clicked on one of my favorite blogs today. She posted about going to an Edward Sharpe concert and included this song. It made me smile.
So did this...
|yogurt + best buddy = perfect day|
|Cora and her best buddy swimming this morning|
I read something today that struck a chord. Jen Hatmaker, mom of five, said, "Parenting is like holding up a mirror to your worst self." I completely agree! It's not all bad though. My little dolls are dolls sometimes...more times than not, actually. Like the other day, Carleigh decorated a picture frame with sea shells she collected and asked me to print a photo of her and her sweet friends who took her on their family vacay to Florida. She loved every minute of it. Today we drove over to their casa to give them the frame and pick up her bag that was buried at the bottom of the luggage pile when they dropped her off. I asked her on the way over if she remembered the gift...she had. I asked if she wrote a thank you card...of course, she had. She's so thoughtful that way. She folded laundry and helped cook dinner the day before yesterday...without me asking! Luke is still ALL boy, but I see his sweet side too. And he's growing up so dern fast. Yesterday, he packed all of his clothes for church camp by himself! Just like Carleigh did! But she's almost two years older and has some experience packing. He has never been to camp. I'm a little nervous about him going, to tell the truth. I'm sure he'll have a ball and be fine, but I'm still nervous. Last night he had a bad dream about me. He rushed downstairs and came to my side of the bed, telling me about his nightmare. I tried talking him through it and thought we were good when he headed back upstairs. Seconds later, I heard him sobbing. My heart hurt for him. I went upstairs and just held him, rocking my little man cub. Cora is so full of life and drama. It doesn't take to much to talk her down off her little high horse though, so that's good. She is so sweet. She tells me she loves me and I melt. I love those babies.
SPOILER ALERT! The other night Kelvin and I were watching the episode of Downton Abbey, when Sibyl dies after childbirth. I could.not.believe.it! Anyway, the mother, Lady Crawley, said there could be nothing worse than losing a child. I have to agree. I miss my sweet little angel. I need her. I wish there was no death or disease. I know one day there won't be anymore, and for Emma, she is at that place. A place free from sadness. She is happy and in the presence of her Creator, and that makes me smile. But my heart has a whole in it, and it hurts. One of the ladies in my Hello Mornings Challenge group had twins Wednesday morning. One was born completely healthy, the other was ushered into the arms of Jesus. There are some things I will just never understand.
Well, this is probably a good place to stop ranting. My man is home and we don't have any children to take care of tonight. What to do?! :)